Pet Loss Help

Buster came to our family at the same time as McVicar and Cheilidh - about eight or nine years ago. All three of them were strays and we were so proud that they chose to come and live with us.

Buster was quite a small cat, and for many months he shrank away from contact - he also always gobbled his food, apparently because he was never sure that more would be provided. Eventually he became sure of our love for him, though. We were so happy to see that he trusted us.

My husband and I always through that McVicar and Buster were brother and sister. Cheilidh, the biggest of the three, brought them along one day - it was like she'd said "this is a good place - they're complete saps, and you'll be fed and looked after here" and so all three of them moved in with us.

We were devastated when Cheilidh died of lymphoma in 2016. After her death, the other two were lost and puzzled - she had been such a leader. However, Buster and McVicar instigated a long-running dispute about the ownership of the top of the wardrobe; then they put the argument to one side when we moved to Scotland. The eleven hour journey was very trying but worth it - we, and the cats, had plenty of space and fresh air, and they enjoyed the garden and the surrounding area. McVicar caught mice and birds. Buster never managed to catch any of his own but he did occasionally come back to the house, looking triumphant, and carrying the body of something which another cat had probably caught some days previously.

In July this year, McVicar died, also of lymphoma - her death hit us very hard, but Buster was distraught, searching for her, and clearly upset.

Two weeks after McVicar died, just as we thought Buster was starting to get over it a bit, he suddenly became acutely ill himself - we took to the vet on an emergency out-of-hours basis, and he was diagnosed with either bladder stones or bladder cancer. Two days later, we took him back in for an operation and scan, and he was found to have cancer in various places - so the vet phoned and told us it would be best not to let him suffer. We agreed, but we were desperately sad and upset. How could both our beloved cats decide to go over the rainbow within a fortnight of one another? It was so painful for us to try to comprehend that our life would have to go on without our beloved cats.

I suppose the answer is that we do not get to choose this. We get the love and companionship of our pets, and we have to be responsible enough not to let them suffer. Buster and McVicar almost died together - we are sure they're together now, and that Cheilidh was waiting for them as they crossed the rainbow bridge

McVicar slept at the foot of our bed at night. She always waited until I got into bed, then jumped on to the bedside table (knocking everything off more often than not) gave me a few head-butts, waited to be stroked, then ploughed her way to the bottom of the bed, falling asleep there.

Everyone who shares their life with a cat knows that they all have distinct personalities. We believe we have been blessed by our cats and they have all enriched our lives enormously. Two weeks ago, we took McVicar for her yearly jabs and I told the vet that she seemed to have lost weight, and wasn't eating as well. We were devastated to discover that she, too, had abdominal lymphoma, and that she didn't have long to live. Only five days later, she hid outside for over six hours, and when she came home, it was clear that she was in pain - she couldn't get comfortable. We called the vet and took McVicar to be put to sleep - we absolutely couldn't bear to think of her in pain. Because of lockdown restrictions, this was carried out in the back seat of our car, so we were able to hold her as she died peacefully and painlessly.

Goodbye, sweet friend. You gave us so much love and we will never forget you and always miss you.

Punchinella was born to Charlotte, a  pregnant stray cat who adopted me, on May 29, 2014.  She was one of a litter of six, four of which survived.  Initially I planned to give them up for adoption, but wound up adopting them myself.    I am a senior citizen and my cats are pretty much my family, day to day.

Punch was the black kitten of the litter.  She was named because of her “little clown” type face as a kitten.   She was sweet-natured and liked to take naps with me, and also to play with my fingers in the evening.  She didn’t seem ill at all, but during the evening of 1/2/19 I found her in the basement, breathing heavily and vomiting.  The next morning first thing I took her to the vet, and they explained that her lungs were infiltrated and she wasn’t able to process oxygen without an attendant holding a mask to her face.  They recommended euthanasia as treating her condition would be burdensome for her, expensive and with no guarantee of success.

It was a sudden blow:  I wasn’t expecting to lose her at the age of only 4 ½.  I will miss her sweetness and her company.  I still have six other dear cats but still, none of them is Punchinella.  Rest in peace, my sweetie.

I was crushed from losing my 17 year old boy and went to the shelter many times, but the kittens were always gone by the time I got there…..then one day, a new batch had just come in and there were 5 – 4 girls and one boy, and when I went to meet them one rolled over on its back and stuck all four paws in the air toward me. I whispered to myself “I hope that one is a boy” and it was!  He fell asleep in my hand a few minutes later and it was love at first sight.  Herbi was coming home with me. 

He joined a household with 8 year old Scorpio, who didn’t like him very much, but he persisted and she grew to love him.  Herbi was scared, jumped at any noise, but was the most lovable creature I ever had.  He was gentle and always touched my face ever so lightly with his paw when he jumped in my bed to sleep next to me.  When Scorpio was 20 years old and it was her time, Herbi was the best caretaker kitty.  He washed her face and always stayed near her to keep her warm.  Once she was gone, it was just us and our bond grew even stronger.  Herbi learned many tricks on command, a snap of the fingers and he jumped on the ottoman….a treat in hand and he would give me a kitty high five.  He was the smartest boy and I loved him so much.

He became sick rather quickly, and I cared for him like a child.  He stopped eating so I would bring home anything he might like – turkey, chicken, tuna – but showed no interest.  Herbi was fading fast and I thought, “But he is only 14! My other kits lived until 17 and 20, so and we must have a few more years left”….but a visit to the vet and x-rays showed just how ill he really was, and that he had been hiding it for so long.   My heart was just broken and we went home and cried, and a few days later I had to make the hardest decision for us.  I couldn’t let him linger on just because I was not ready – my boy wasn’t eating, playing, or looking for my love and he finally gave me the half-open eyelid look that he was ready.  The morning of his last day I took him outside so he would feel the breezy wind and the warm sun on his face one last time, and hugged him tight. 

This is my first time in 31 years without cat energy around me.  My place is just a house now, not a home.  I miss my kitty buddy terribly, and to honor his memory I have volunteered at my local animal shelter.  Herbi would have liked that, and maybe in time another wonderful kitty will claim me as his own.  No cat will ever replace my special Herbi, the kitten with a heart under his chin that just grew longer as he got bigger, and the kitten that stole my heart the day he rolled over to show me his belly.  RIP little buddy, I will hold you in my heart forever and ever.

“Innova, you will be missed.  You were always dressed up for the occasion in your tuxedo.  After over 14 years it's hard to believe that you will no longer be around.  I have so many good memories of you.

I remember picking you out by your photo on a cat rescue website.  I chose you because you were black and white and were the opposite of our other cat Hobbes who was white with black.  But when I went to the foster home to pick you up you hid under the couch while your brothers and sisters were out playing.  I had second thoughts about getting you then because I didn't want a cat that would just hide.  But I'm so glad I decided to stick with you.  You've always been a shy cat around strangers but among those who you knew, you were very playful and affectionate.  I remember how when we brought you home you just walked up to Hobbes and tried to play with him and he just seemed startled, unsure how to act.  I remember how when I moved to a new apartment how scared you were in the new place and I had you lay next to me so that you wouldn't be scared.   I remember years ago how one time we went on vacation and my sister-in-law was looking after you.  You got really sick but she took good care of you.  I think we might have come close to losing you then but luckily you pulled through and we had many more great years together.  Thank you to my sister-in-law.  I remember playing by the stairs with you and how you would bat at my hand while I knock on the railing posts.  Sometimes you would get carried away and bite at me gently and I didn't like it but you were just playing.  I remember running up and down the stairs and you batting at me as I went by.  It was like you were giving me a high-five.  I remember lying on my back and you laying above my head or laying beside me on your back too.  I remember how you would roll over from side to side on your back when my wife would say "twirl" and make a circular motion with her hand.  I remember you laying with my daughter in bed or on the couch and nibbling her hair.  I remember you snuggling up with us on the couch while we watched TV or in bed during the night.  I remember brushing you and how you'd really enjoy that and how afterwards there would be a ball of fur and my wife would joke that it was Innova's kitten.  I remember you tapping us with your paw if you wanted attention and we were distracted.  I remember you waking us up in the morning meowing for food because you loved to eat.  At the time I found it annoying but I will miss that too.  I remember how you would usually greet me at the door when I came home.  I remember how sometimes you would run around the house like a crazy cat.  I remember how you used to like to eat floss and string and it would make you sick. We had to make sure nothing like that was lying around.  I remember how you use to like to look at birds through the window and get really excited.  You would meow or make a clicking noise.  Sometimes I thought you'd try to go through the window.  There's so many other good memories of times we all had together - it's just hard to write them all down.

Thank you Innova for being our cat.  You were truly one of the family.  I love you so much.”

I never wanted a pet.  I got Snowball from a co-worker because it became a running joke that I always saw a black cat at the beginning of my shift as a Police Officer, and had bad luck.  Little did I know in 2001, that I would fall in love, and Snowball would become my best friend for the next 16 years.  I was told Snowball was born on July 4, 2001.

Everyone commented on how loving Snowball was.  There wasn’t a day gone by that Snowball didn’t come running to the door when he heard me come home, if he wasn’t already waiting there.  From the time I got home, until the time I left again, Snowball was either on me, or right beside me.  If I had to go away, my wife would tell me the he rarely left the table, where he waited for me.  Snowball loved me, and was extremely jealous.  He wouldn’t let my wife touch me, he would nudge her out of the way.  It became a true joke that I had found a cat that loved to agitate my wife as much as I did.  I looked forward to, and loved the time that I would get to spend just with him.  Trips to camp, playing on the floor, or just lying and watching TV, he was always by my side.  Snowball loved people, and always wanted to be with someone.  However, if I came into the room, he would immediately jump up from who he was with and run to be with me.

Snowball passed on February 13, 2018, and left a huge hole in my heart and my life.  Sadly, you have to wait for me one more time, but when my time comes, I will be me running to see you, like you did so many times for me.   I miss you my beautiful baby boy, and you will always be in my heart.    I love you always Snowball!! 

We got Captain Jack Sparrow back in 2007, I had just turned 12 at that time. We got him from The Stray Cat Blues INC. We got him as a companion for our other cat. The foster family we got him from loved Pirates of the Caribbean and named him Captain Jack Sparrow. We thought the name was cute and kept it. He didn’t really become my cat until I was about 14. That’s when he began sleeping in my room, cuddling with me, and crying whenever I left or came home. His favorite spot in bed was on my shoulder or laying on whatever piece of technology was around. He also loved tearing up the carpet (much to my dad’s dismay) and drinking water for minutes on end. He also loved lunch meat and I’d give him some whenever I bought a hoagie.

We had a close call with him a few years ago. He ended up having so much calcium in his urine that he needed surgery but recovered quickly and was great afterwards. About a year ago, he started losing weight rapidly. We took him to the vet and discovered he had diabetes. We put him on insulin and he did great, he gained weight back and his back legs were strong again. He took a turn for the worse on February 3^rd. I was away at school, so my dad and the vet decided what was kindest for him.

I’ve had trouble dealing with guilt, wondering if there was something that could have been done or at least wishing I’d been home when he passed. I’m trying to think of the good times and remembering that I was lucky to have him. To honor him, I got a tattoo of him on my wrist.

I love you Jack, you deserved more time, but you’ll always be with me.

Midgeon was only 5 weeks old when she came into my life,  a tiny black Munchkin I saw when visiting a breeder and had never heard of a Munchkin before….I was in love! I have had many cats in my time but none like her. She was my companion for 18 years and she trusted me completely and went wherever I went. She was known as Nurse Midge in our house because whomever was sick, person, dog or another cat she was there climbing into their bed and staying close until the illness was over.

I thought in my heart she would live forever so when she got sick at 18 after a healthy life I was devastated. The vet said it was thyroid and we tried to get it regulated but after 2 months she wasn’t improving and was unable to walk. I knew I had to do the right thing and so made the choice to release her so that someday she would wait for me at the Rainbow Bridge. I loved you the most my baby girl and miss you every day!

Salem had some unique characteristics to say the least. Although not a lap cat, or even a social cat for that matter, she did have an affectionate and loving side to her.I found Salem at the local animal shelter 7 years ago. I wanted to adopt a black cat and there were several there to choose from. As I was walking out undecided, she was strategically laying eye level on a shelf with her head upside down, waiting to be petted. My mind was made up.

Upon arriving home, she hid under the bed for almost 24 hrs due to the new surroundings. She didn’t come out for food/water or the litter box. I was thinking, how long is she going to be under there? Eventually she came out and was soon exploring the remainder of the house. I found out quickly that she had a gluttonous appetite for food. Childhood memories of my dog Buster come to mind. She was easy to please when it came to food. Whatever you put in front of her, you just knew it was going to be devoured. When I grilled, she would always wait till I sat down at the table to eat before she came charging down the staircase looking for her share. Salem ate well, played hard and was very affectionate. I would come home from work and she’d be waiting for me to pet her and give her head bumps. Four years ago, my new work schedule afforded me enough vacation time to visit family and friends in Florida and thought I ‘d bring her with. She handled it well and was a yearly visitor to the Sunshine State.

Sadly, in November 2017, I noticed she wasn’t eating well. I took her to the vet and an x-ray showed that she had fluid around her heart. Later exams revealed she had restrictive cardiomyopathy....congestive heart failure. I was devastated. Medication restored her true personality for another 5 weeks until I realized that she was slowly losing her battle to the disease. Not wanting to see her suffer, I made the painful decision to let her go. She passed away as I cradled her. Salem was 13 yrs old. Discarded at 6 and given new life in my home, Salem was able to live out her remaining years being cared for by someone who spoiled her rotten. I miss her dearly and only wish that I could’ve had more time. 

Deborah always wanted a Ragdoll kitty to travel around the country with her as she moved from one work contract to the next. In July of 2016 we finally decided that it was time. We queried a lot of Ragdoll breeders and Deborah finally found a little kitten with a big attitude at a breeder in Johannesburg. It was love at first site and from the start Deborah and Babie were inseparable. I told Deborah to build little Babie’s confidence when they played by always letting her win the game. This gave her a cheeky kind of wit, and an attitude that had to be experienced to be believed.

 She was such a proud kitty and rightfully so, because she was so beautiful. Whenever she was running around the house playing with our other 9 cats, she would always have her head up high, prancing about like a little lady. But she was definitely no sissy. If someone would push her buttons, her little paw was like lighting to hand out smacks.

 In the morning Deborah would make her a little “tent” in our bed, where she would then crawl into and snuggle her little body up tightly to Debs’ legs. At breakfast we like to serve everyone a small scoop of pilchards. This was her favourite. She would wait for everyone to finish their breakfast and then went along from dish to dish, finishing the leftovers. We quickly discovered that pilchards wasn’t Babie’ only weakness when we opened a cheesecake. We had to literally fight Babie off, or else end up with no cheesecake for ourselves.

 She brought so much joy and love into our lives in the short 16 months that we had the privilege to share her life. We lost her to feline leukaemia, after taking her to the vet for something that we though was a minor issue. Babie, you will forever be missed and always be loved, until one day we will meet again.

Love, hugs, kisses and lots of fishy…

 Mommy and Daddy  

 xxx

Thanks so much for that - here is beautiful Smudge's story.

After our previous cat Smokey was euthanized in 2013 at the age of almost 20 we swore we could never go through the grief again.

However fast forward to July 2014 and a neighbour alerted us to a story of 2 cats (2 years old brother and sister) who needed rescued as the owner had addiction issues and was no longer living at home. As cats protection were full and the poor things were booked in to be put to sleep we had to step in. And so arrived Missy and Smudge. Despite their less than ideal start to life you could not have dreamed of a more adorable, affectionate and loving pair of cats. Both identical, except Missy a bit smaller than Smudge. Smudge had a left front white sock, Missy had the right sock !

Soon after moving in Smudge's wonderful affectionate character became apparent. Very much a sleeper during the day he would roll on his tummy for a cuddle any time you passed whatever bed, box, chair or other weird and wonderful place he had chosen to sleep that day ! So cool and laid back, never a hiss or scratch. Just took everything in his stride. Occasional boisterous playing with his little sister but always the best of friends together, sometimes sleeping on our bed with my wife and I, leaving us little room. We didn't care !  As we live at the end of a very quiet single track road with maybe 2 or 3 cars a night passing, we let Missy and Smudge go out and do their thing, albeit always anxious when they were out and looking for them if they were the slightest bit late. LED collars with long strips of reflective tape always fitted at night for maximum visibility to cars. Some bells had to soon be added to Smudge's as he was very keen to pay his keep bringing home mice, rats, rabbits and other weird and wonderful presents ! The bells helped a bit but he was still a rascal for catching things and wanting extra big cuddles when he brought them. He was very much a night owl, going out for 4 hour stints and knocking the window to get back in. Many a night of broken sleep I had letting him in and out not that I minded. If you ignored him he could actually push up the window handles, put his weight against the window, open it and let himself out ! So clever ! Later on we had a GPS collar on him sometimes and he covered an astonishing distance on his night time adventures !

We loved his naughtiness and placidness at the same time. I tell no lie when I say he would never hiss or be nasty no matter what you did to him. Just an angel. At the beginning of this year we took Sammy in, a poor neglected stray who turned out FIV + when we had him health checked, so he was kept separate from Missy and Smudge within the house. This didn't phase Smudge at all he just got on with doing his thing. Every day we told them all how much we loved them and often said to each other how lucky we were to have such adorable cats in our lives and how we couldn't bear to think of the day they'd be gone. No need to worry now though, that day was at least 14 or 15 years away. After all, Smokey was nearly 20 when his health failed and we had to let him go....

On the 28th of August 2017, a day that will forever remain etched in my memory, everything changed. I work offshore on oil rigs and at half past midnight on the 29th my wife sent a whatsapp message that Smudge had been out since 18.30 and hadn't returned. I knew straight away it was bad - he always did 4 hour stints maximum. After a sleepless night hoping for the message to come saying he was home - it never came. I made arrangements to head home that morning as I was in no fit state to be working. Meanwhile my wife, family and friends searched for Smudge, hoping against hope that he had just got locked in someone's garage and would soon appear. At around midday as I was just packing my bag awaiting my helicopter transit back to the beach, I got the message from my wife that  Smudge's body had been found in the grass just about 10 feet off the road, right across the road from our house. Not a mark on him, but obviously run over by a driver who didn't stop.

So followed the worst day of my life, travelling home in a state of shock and grief I cannot describe. I finally arrived home on the morning of the 30th and my wife and I spent the day lying beside and clinging to Smudge's lifeless but beautiful body before burying him in the garden that evening. What followed and has still not abated as I write at the end of October was sorrow beyond description. Guilt and regret saying 'if only we hadn't let him out that evening / if only he'd crossed the road a minute sooner etc. etc. He must have crossed that road without incident thousands of times in the 3 years and a month we were lucky enough to have him, but whatever happened that night, his luck ran out and as the driver didn't stop, we will never know exactly what happened.

I torture myself trying to work out exactly what might have happened, feel grief and guilt that I was away from home for the last 2 weeks of his life. Every time we look at the hundreds of photos we have of him it just breaks our hearts and we cry. This has just utterly crushed us. I cannot put it into words how much we miss him. We have to just try to adjust and be strong for our other adorable cats as I cannot see at the moment how one 'gets over' this. It's so strange that even with the other cats around, the house seems so eerily quiet without Smudge's presence. I'm self employed and couldn't face work for nearly 2 months after Smudge's passing. Now back at work offshore for the first time since, Smudge still dominates my every thought. When busy it goes away for a while sometimes, but then hits like a knife in the heart. It is helpful to talk about this on here as so few people understand how you can feel this way about a pet - they just don't get it.

We were so lucky to have our darling boy for the time we did, albeit so very short. And we will miss his affection and cuddles forever. Rest in peace beautiful Smudge until we meet again xx.

I like to think that Chester and the 3 other kittens who were abandoned on the side of the road found me. They were left in a box and crossed a very dangerous dirt road beside our house into the yard. I heard them meowing and went in search of the sound, I first spotted Milo who is Chester's littermate and then around the corner appeared Chester. He ran to me before the other kittens and unlike them how they wanted food, he could have cared less.

In Los Angeles in 2004 I adopted Leo and Mabel, both 4 years old, from my sister. Mabel was timid, sometimes grumpy, but always the funniest little lady. She didn't like being fussed over but would purr like a hummingbird just to have you near and Leo was a social butterfly with a huge appetite for cuddles. Eventually the three of us ended up in rural France, where Leo could run free with some friendly chickens in an enormous garden full of wild flowers, while Mabel reclined in royal state on the sofa. Leo blossomed as an adventurer and skilled mouser and once even chased a fox away from the hens, so brave was he. 

But then one terrible day Mabel disappeared hours before I returned from a trip to London to prepare my father's flat for sale now that he'd been moved to a care home. It seems my cat sitters hadn't been able to read Mabel's moods and perhaps she got fed up and left. She was 12 and a bit arthritic by then - maybe she'd had her fill?? Day after day, week after week, I searched for her by every possible means, but never found a trace. The pain of her loss, of failing to find her, and having to accept that I'd never know what became of her, was unimaginable.  I shall never forget her gorgeously eccentric, funny self.

Leo had loved Mabel too but was now unashamedly happy to have all my attention. He stayed by my side during the years that followed, during which we returned to the UK - my birthplace - to a little country town. Our life was filled with cuddles and nights curled up together. He had a sublime way of gazing deep into my eyes and I never tired of telling him how much I loved him. Always a very healthy cat, I suppose I thought he could magically go on forever. But then, 12 days ago, just shy of 17 years old, he suddenly had trouble walking. The vet thought it was arthritis and we scheduled an acupuncture session with another vet 3 days later. Setting him up in a safe, quiet room I gave him as much help and comfort as I could, but by the second day his left legs had become unresponsive and he grew more and more despondent... but I still hoped the acupuncture would work. Alas, when the vet saw him next day she firmly determined it wasn't arthritis after all but a fast growing brain tumor and said the only kind choice was to let him go without more pain. He'd had a long, pain free life and I couldn't let him suffer now, so I held his little head and looked into his eyes one more time as he took his sweet leave. Still reeling from the shock and missing him beyond words, I can only hope he knew how much he was adored. Every night I sit at his garden memorial resting place and light a candle to help him on his way.

Thank you Mabel and Leo for having allowed me to care for you and share your lives. It was a great, great privilege.

I adopted Stella back in 2005, when she was already 8 years old. She had been at the shelter for almost two years and nobody wanted her - the staff told me most people thought she was "too old" and that everyone wanted kittens. I took her home and let her live with me, and she became my steadfast companion. She never clawed the furniture, never made messes or acted out, and always had a sweet and gentle disposition. When my father died, Stella and I were living alone and I was grieving heavily, having no other family nearby to be with. Stella sensed this and wouldn't let me out of her sight, seeking me out around the house and sleeping right next to me all night. She checked on me constantly and gave me support I didn't get from any of my co-workers or other friends.

When I got married several years later, Stella took an immediate shine to my wife and the two got along like they had always known each other. We had many happy holidays together and even took her with us on vacation several times when we couldn't locate a pet sitter. (Stella loved our mountain cabin vacation the best!)

Stella lived to be 21, very old for a cat, and was very happy and active up until the very end. Time and time again over the years - that of providing me (and my wife) comfort when we were hurting for any reason. Stella always knew when either one of us we was in any sort of pain, and in every case she came and stayed right with us until we felt better. She is gone now but will be remembered forever in our hearts!

I only had Matilda for a very short period of time. Matilda was rescued from getting seriously hurt if not killed when she got trapped in the rear wheel well of my friend’s car. Matilda came to my home scared, lonely and sick due to and infection caused by a severely bruised leg. I took her to a vet next morning, got some meds and she was quickly recovering turning into the most amazing little furry storm. I have other 3 adult cats which at the beginning were not at all trilled, Matilda was only about 4 wks  old according to vet. I kept her separated from the other cats to allow all of them to get used to the new child in the house. Matilda needed to be tested and her shots started , but when she was safe to be out with her new siblings her pea size did not stopped her from trying to gain over her new family. Well, she did, the set of noisy bells went all over, up down in and out to only stop at the water bowl, snatch the snacks in the slow eaters food dishes and a quick nap on her favorite soft and plushy blanket.

She was getting healthier and her personality was being defined as a little girl with a big will and a lioness attitude. Being at 3.5 months I decided to schedule her spay surgery. Turned out to be my greatest regret ,she was so playful that morning she was so happy and specially frisky. I felt a strange doubt and yet I still took her in. When I dropped her off I took a last look at her and her little face was fear and confusion. The look in those little eyes that I so much adored are seared in my mind. 4hrs later my little girl was gone forever! The vet called and as soon as she said who she was my heart sunk and begged her not to tell me Matilda was not ok. My worst nightmare became my reality right there at that moment my heart was to never be the same again. I feel my lack of judgment and not listening to those little eyes cost my Little Matilda her life. Every tear, every skipped heart beat, every thought , every what if, can’t and will not change what happened . It took only 60 days for Matilda to fill my whole home with her spunky and adventurous little self and leave emptiness and desolation. I don’t have human children so my kitties compliment that part of my life.

My little ginger fluffy storm. Once you entered into our hearts,  your paws left an unforgettable print.

My little Matilda you will be forever missed, until we meet again my little  furry angel.

In the beginning of May, my wife and I bought our first house. It was beautiful and quirky; perfect for us and our four cats. It was heaven.

The house began to feel a bit empty, so we began looking for older shelter cats to invite into our family. The first was Genji, who is alive and well. The second, only brought home days later, was Mercy.

At the shelter, she was incredibly standoffish, but I just knew that with the right family and plenty of love that she would blossom into a sweet baby. She outright avoided us for a long time, often "punching" me with her clawless paws when I made an attempt to touch her. Eventually, she began spending time in the same room and even approaching us to curl up.

After only three months, her good health came to an abrupt halt. We came home from a three day vacation to find her wasting away in a closet that she usually avoided. No amount of medicine or doctor bills would save her, and her kidneys and liver eventually gave out completely. I'll miss her little growls, her warbling when she wanted attention, even her punches when she decided that enough was enough.

Mercy was a sweet cat that I was told would never open up and would never accept a new family. She surprised me with her quickness and willingness to change. She loved showers, laying on the tile floor, and sitting in the window sill. We'll miss you, Mercy. You'll always be our little mermaid.

Monty. AKA, my little man, mini panther, beautiful boy, cuddle puddle, snuggle bubble, bubble butt, Montgomery pie.

We met each other when he was just 6 weeks old. Someone had left him in a cardboard box on the doorstop of the RSPCA. I picked up this little black kitten with one hand and he looked up at me and with so much trust, then he just slow blinked at me and fell asleep right there in the palm of my right hand.

Since then we always enjoyed looking into each others eyes, something that is hard to do between humans because we seem to find it more instinctively threatening than animals do.  He also tolerated my coddling affection, and let me kiss him and cuddle him even though he didn’t always like it.  Some times when I cradled him in my arms, He would hold his paw against my to face to prevent me from attacking him with kisses.

He grew into a big boy, and one morning his brought a bush turkey into my bed. My boyfriend at the time was angry with him, but I was kind of impressed. He was like a wild panther. It upset me when he brought home a baby bird that he must have stolen from a nest, so I bought him a hi-visibility collar to alert the birds of his presence before he could catch them.  It seemed to work and I think he liked wearing it too. He became a little famous for it because it made him look like a jester.

 There are so many memories of Monty I treasure. Listening to his cute little heartbeat with a stethoscope. Lifting him up to the bamboo branches so he could chew on the leaves.  The way he meow-ed at me with an upward inflection, like he was always asking questions.  Sitting on the front porch with him while he cautiously and curiously watched the traffic. Taking him on “tours” of the house from people height,. And how he would sit behind me in the bathroom and watch my reflection in the mirror as I put my make up on.  The way he slept between my feet every night.

He looked like a jester but he also had deep soulful eyes and a very strong presence. He made friends with everyone who walked through the door. Popele who didn’t like cats came to love cats after they got to know him.  I learned from him how great it is to just be yourself and love people and let them love you back. He showed me how easy it is to let go of your troubles and be content within, and to love looking out the window everyday. He taught me about what really matters and after he passed I realized I was not living my life the way I wanted.  I try to honor his legacy today by living like he did; looking out the window, not getting caught up in the small stuff that used to bug me so much.

Monty was 7 years and 7 months when he passed. I thought he had the flu the past couple days. I took him to the vet and she said he had kidney failure and that it was best to euthanize him. It was such a shock and an agonizing moment for me to make that choice. I try to think of all the good times we had to counteract that sad night.  You are my best friend Monty. I love you so much, and my life will always be richer for the friendship you gave me, and for everything you taught me.

Almost two months ago, I lost my best friend, Honey.  She was an adorable orange tabby cat who fell into my lap just over 20 years ago.  One of my friends could not keep his young cat (probably only a year) named Fiend and asked if I would take her.  I agreed but only if I could change her name; she was just too sweet for her given name.  I took her in and changed her name to Honey.  We found out she was pregnant and our first adventure together was to help her birth two breech kittens who died.  It was very sad, but it formed some sort of bond between Honey and I.  She has been my constant companion since.  We have moved many times (her favorite thing was exploring a new home from stem to stern), she was lost for 5 days and made it back to me in one piece, she had a severe inner-ear infection and ended up deaf, she was a true redhead and added freckles every time she laid in her favorite sun spots, and she has been there through 20 years of joy and heartbreak in my life, as well.  I have always loved coming home to this sweet girl who slept every night in the crook of my arm or above my head on the pillow.

                Everyone who met her loved her.  She was a little social but not so much that she bothered those who didn’t want to be bothered.  She seemed to know who needed her.  My ex-husband fell in love with her and was very sad when we got divorced; I believe she was the one thing that kept us friends.  He would be my caregiver for her when I went on a vacation or long weekend away.  However, she always missed me when I was gone and gave me a good tongue-lashing of mecks (this is what I called her meows because that was what it sounded like) and some cold-shoulder when I returned which quickly turned into ankle-rubbing and head-butting.

About a year and a half ago, the vet told me that she had CRF (kidney failure) and I had to keep a watchful eye.  It progressed in 6 months to where I had to give her sub-q fluids to help her stay hydrated.  I started preparing myself for the worst but just couldn’t bear the thought of my baby not being around.  She progressively got worse but always bounced back until the day she died. One day upon returning home, she had deteriorated and the look in her eyes was telling.  She had always made eye-contact with me and her expression on that day was one of worry.  I had to make a decision to euthanize her.  She died in my arms on the way to the vet.  My loss is great and I don’t know how I can ever love another cat as much as I loved her, but only time will tell.  

I have never known a cat like Dot. She was the bossiest, most demanding sweetheart ever. She purred if she was breathing. I got her to keep my other kitty, Sara-loo, company. It was love at first sight for both of them. I had never seen anything like it. When first introduced, Dot turned on her purring motor and just walked right up to Sara to snuggle. Sara-loo simply let her snuggle up and then started to bathe Dot! It was like they had known each other for years.

Dot loved rides in the wheel barrel, chasing treats tossed down the wood floor like shuffleboard pucks and going for walks in and on her kitty carriage.  After Sara-loo passed away at 18 years old, Dot was never the same. She quickly developed arthritis, then asthma, then bouts of idiopathic anemia. It was her fourth major episode of fighting multiple issues at once that beat her. She was so tired, but yet kept purring until almost the end. I held her in my arms and whispered “Say hi to Sara-loo for me” as she took her last breath.  As sad as I am to loose her, I know they are finally reunited in each others love. She made it to 16 years old; forty years too early for me.